No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
