i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
