Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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