I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize