I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
