I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
