Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
