I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
