Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
