okay pat passed out under dana's car
My brain says no but my pants say off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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