Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
