So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
