dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
