She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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