you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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