It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
