he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
