i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
