a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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