Did you just see the Batmobile???
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
