you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
