I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
