I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
