Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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