who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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