how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
