I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
