so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Drunk is a universal language darling
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