someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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