Im at strip club and am horny
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
