I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
