Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
