Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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