i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
