I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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