I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
