I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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