in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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