i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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