my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
