how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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