you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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