It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I want a musical about memes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
