I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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