he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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