Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
