I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
