i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
