Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
