They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
