shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
