she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
