I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
