How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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