If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
