It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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