i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
