No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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