census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
