The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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