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• (469): View more from Texas

  I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them

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• (510): View more from California

  speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage

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• (607): View more from New York

  Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?

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• (716): View more from New York

  He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  You sure know how to make a day worth living.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...

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