I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
