those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize