I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
