My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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