Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
