I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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