cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
