I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you traded sex for a burrito?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
