Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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