he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
