i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
