he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
