I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
