So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
