Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
