It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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