wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
