I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
