just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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