So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize