That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
