Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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