i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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