I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
