we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
