I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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