one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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