idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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