He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
