Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
