I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
