I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
