what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize