i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You are a genius and a whore.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
