Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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