I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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