I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
