I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
