Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
