Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
